Shopping at the Mall

You know you're not single anymore...when you go to the mall with your family to buy Easter outfits and you quickly realize your role is not to shop....you have only one purpose and you learn your job well....it is to meet your family at the check out counter and while you are paying for their purchases they then go on to the next store....by the time you get to that store, you discover that they are ready to meet you at the checkout counter and they proceed to the next store...this process will continue two more times...You realize your family has discovered American efficiency and you are optimizing everyone's talents....your daughter - the ultimate shopper...your wife - the queen of sales....your son - the "can we go home yet" expositor...and yourself - the "boy these clothes are getting heavy" carrier...at least everyone will look great on Easter Sunday!

Date Night

You know you're not single anymore...when you finally get a date night with your wife and the kids are going to spend the night at your mom's after dinner...but because of traffic and rainy weather, in order to make the movie on time, you and your wife decide to grab a cheeseburger at a drive-through fast food restaurant...you still have a great time that night...but the next morning you find out your mom took the kids to a fancy steak restaurant and a movie...and they even got back home later than you did from your date!...How in the world did the kids get a better meal than you!...You think next time you and your wife will go with your mom and we'll leave the kids at home with a pizza!...But seriously, you are happy that not only did you get the quality time you needed with your wife, your kids are building a great relationship with their "Nana."

TV Takeover

You know you're not single anymore...when there's only two channels now on your tv...at least there might as well be only two channels since the television oscillates between the two stations: Disney and Disney XD....you realize your life is starting to revolve around the antics of Jessie and Phineas & Ferb....Gone are your days of zombie terror in the Walking Dead, the murderous cult of the Following, and the apocalyptic Revolution...you have every episode of your shows saved on DVR but you know the sacrifice of sleep to watch your shows late at night after everyone is in bed is way too great. Ain't nobody got time for dat!

Eating After Others

You know you're not single anymore...when you used to get grossed out with the thought of eating or drinking after anyone...but that changed ever so quickly...it started at the wedding reception when tradition says for you and your wife to give the first bite of wedding cake to each other...then a few meals later, your wife offers you a bite of her chicken from a top restaurant on your honeymoon...but using her fork...then a few weeks later you see your son, whose eyes are always bigger than his stomach, eating at a restaurant and you say to him "Son, are you finished with that steak?  Well then hand the rest of that over here!"...then at a later time at Wendy's it becomes, "Let me taste your Frosty to make sure it's fresh!"...and now you realize how far you've come when you walk by the kitchen table after dinner and see a half drunk glass of chocolate milk and you start to think, "Hmmmm, I hate to see that go to a waste!"...You choose not to think about the gross out factor anymore and your new mantra is "Oh, what the heck! Carpe Diem!" Cheers!

Loose Tooth

You know you're not single anymore...when you get to pull your son's loose tooth...you realize it's a lot more fun to pull someone else's tooth than to have your own tooth pulled...you remind yourself that your son has lost 3 teeth in the last two months...you wonder if the dentist will give a discount for half a mouthful of teeth!

Front Yard Playfield

You know you're not single anymore...when the purpose of your lawn has changed from making your property look attractive to being a playfield...you drive home one day and find underground utility flag markers all in your yard...you think that some utility company will be digging soon but you notice the flags form a pattern...hey, is that an obstacle course?!?...later on your suspicions are confirmed when you find a homemade bike ramp...in the yard....at least you don't have to worry about the grass growing too high this spring!...you do confirm with your son where he got the flags and he vouches that they were found laying down in the middle of the street (of which you actually do remember seeing them on the side of the road when going to work that morning)...you realize you never know what you are driving home to...but the surprises usually keep you on your toes.

Grocery Date

You know you're not single anymore...when the only time it seems you can have a "date" with your wife is when you send the kids to go get dairy products while you shop with your wife at the grocery store...somewhere between aisles 3 and 4 you are able to hold hands...and when no one is looking you give her a quick kiss in front of Captain Crunch and Tony the Tiger...you cherish the times you have alone with her during the day, those precious moments that you can say a quick "I love you!" as you go about living the day to day life of a family...you also thank your mother for asking if the kids could spend the night this Friday so that you can have a real date night!